Politically Correct

1 Feb

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America , Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as “HILLBILLIES.” You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore ..

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1 She is not a “BABE” or a “CHICK” – She is a “BREASTED AMERICAN.”
2. She is not “EASY” – She is “HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.”
3. She is not a “DUMB BLONDE” – She is a “LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.”
4. She has not “BEEN AROUND” – She is a “PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.”
5 . She does not “NAG” you – She becomes “VERBALLY REPETITIVE.”
6. She is not a “TWO-BIT HOOKER” – She is a “LOW COST PROVIDER.”

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a “BEER GUT” – He has developed a “LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.”
2. He is not a “BAD DANCER” – He is “OVERLY CAUCASIAN.”
3. He does not “GET LOST ALL THE TIME” – He “INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.”
4. He is not “BALDING” – He is in “FOLLICLE REGRESSION.”
5. He does not act like a “TOTAL ASS” – He develops a case of “RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.”
6. It’s not his “CRACK” you see hanging out of his pants – It’s “REAR CLEAVAGE”